love me through it

I know this isn't the most personal way to share something like this, but it is easier than making a million phone calls, shedding some tears & explaining those tears to my boys. So, sorry but if you do want to talk, feel free to call, email, text or whatever.

That being said, the middle of November I felt a lump in my breast. I called my ob/gyn and had an appointment in a couple days. Dr. Garg confirmed what I had felt and referred me to a breast specialist and for an ultrasound. I called to make an appt with the specialist Dr. Spotts & was told I had to do the ultrasound first so I scheduled that too. I called the day before my ultrasound appointment to schedule with Dr. Spotts and the girl I talked to told me I can just see the dr and not go for the ultrasound because the doctor was going to do her own ultrasound regardless, that frustrated me a little because I could've gotten in sooner had I been told that originally. So, not wanting to pay twice for an ultrasound I waited till my doctor appointment. Wednesday afternoon I saw Dr. Spotts, she felt it and did the ultrasound. She said it is definitely a tumor and not a cyst because the lump is solid and doesn't have fluid in it. Based off the ultrasound she believes that it is a fibroadenoma, which is a benign tumor. The only way to be sure is to have it removed. So I am scheduled for surgery on Friday the 23rd. They will remove the tumor and send it out to be tested and then we will know for sure. Worst case it is cancerous, we have a tentative treatment plan in place. Best case it is benign, I'm already done with treatment with the exception of a few follow up visits. It is an outpatient procedure so I should be home Friday afternoon sometime. I have the kids arrangements made for my surgery as well as dinner being brought over Friday night. I haven't told the kids anything yet, Tommy and Nathan are to young to really understand but David is old enough to understand and I don't want to scare him or make him worry, especially right before Christmas.

I'm doing ok. I'm not really worried about the surgery, even though I don't really know the specialist, Dr. Spotts, my doctor that I trust more than anything, especially since we have been through so much together, referred her so I am putting my trust in him plus her practice is part of a very very good cancer clinic so I'm sure I will be and am in good hands that know what to do and what I need. I am a little emotional at times about all of this though, usually when I am able to sit and think. I think about worst case scenario and about these three little boys that need me and all the 'what ifs' pretty much just borrowing trouble. Easier said than done to not think about and worry about it though. So right now I am getting by on borrowed faith and strength.

This link is to a song that I heard on the radio a few days after I found my lump. It makes me cry every time I hear it, but I love it and the words are so true for my situation right now.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf82Qf3a0Kc&feature=youtube_gdata_player