yay!!!

 I got to find out the results from my surgery today.  My diagnosis has changed, it is not a fibroadenoma,  but is a hamartoma.  But whatever you want to call it, it is a benign tumor!! My stress level has dropped dramatically today.  I am so grateful for all of my family & friends.  I would not have made it through these last six weeks without out your love, help, and strength to lean on. I am feeling pretty good, finally. I am still sore, but instead of having to have ice on it & drugs all day long, I am taking some ibuprofen at bedtime and sleeping with ice on.  I think its mainly sore from where the scar is, whether I wear a sports bra or a regular bra it sits right on the incision.  Once I take off my bra the pain level goes down, so hopefully that is something that will just have to take time to feel better, but at least I can make it through the day! I have an awesome hook-like scar just under my armpit, right at the bra line. The doctor wasn't able to go in where she originally thought because the tumor was a little higher and farther back than she originally though, but that is fine with me as long as she got it all & the results are as great as they are, I'm good with any kind of scar!

Leaves & Zombies

Yesterday Tommy decided that it can't be Christmas if there is no snow. After a very lengthy & complicated  debate with him, he decided he was correct.  A few minutes later he looked out the living room window and started jumping up & down and yelling that it had snowed and he needed outside!  It was overcast & threatening rain....but definitively not snow.  He decided that the leaves that fell from the tree the last few days were snow leaves and it had in fact snowed all over the yard!  So, we got jackets on and went to play in the snow! We got snow pile makers (push brooms) and made a big pile that the kids spent hours flopping in, running from the neighbors yard & jumping off the wall into, and of course burying our biggest brother in!  The best part was coming inside and having hot chocolate after playing in that great snow!!

Tommy & Nathan burying David (below)

Tommy is really into zombies lately.  He is funny!  He can't go to sleep unless the zombie alarm is set, when he says prayers he prays that no zombies will come in, he runs past zombie doors at the store.  

Somebody (Tommy) snuck into David's room and got his markers that he uses for his school projects. And decided that he'd be such a nice brother and let Nathan color too.  Only problem is, they decided to use themselves as the paper! This is the reason that I ONLY allow color wonders in my house!!  Where was I you ask....helping David who in the middle of my getting the little boys stripped down & ready for bed needed my help with his school project, besides the boys were being so good & quiet, should've known that meant trouble!!

This is Tommy's zombie foot he made, couldn't really do to many pictures of their zombie making 

love me through it

I know this isn't the most personal way to share something like this, but it is easier than making a million phone calls, shedding some tears & explaining those tears to my boys. So, sorry but if you do want to talk, feel free to call, email, text or whatever.

That being said, the middle of November I felt a lump in my breast. I called my ob/gyn and had an appointment in a couple days. Dr. Garg confirmed what I had felt and referred me to a breast specialist and for an ultrasound. I called to make an appt with the specialist Dr. Spotts & was told I had to do the ultrasound first so I scheduled that too. I called the day before my ultrasound appointment to schedule with Dr. Spotts and the girl I talked to told me I can just see the dr and not go for the ultrasound because the doctor was going to do her own ultrasound regardless, that frustrated me a little because I could've gotten in sooner had I been told that originally. So, not wanting to pay twice for an ultrasound I waited till my doctor appointment. Wednesday afternoon I saw Dr. Spotts, she felt it and did the ultrasound. She said it is definitely a tumor and not a cyst because the lump is solid and doesn't have fluid in it. Based off the ultrasound she believes that it is a fibroadenoma, which is a benign tumor. The only way to be sure is to have it removed. So I am scheduled for surgery on Friday the 23rd. They will remove the tumor and send it out to be tested and then we will know for sure. Worst case it is cancerous, we have a tentative treatment plan in place. Best case it is benign, I'm already done with treatment with the exception of a few follow up visits. It is an outpatient procedure so I should be home Friday afternoon sometime. I have the kids arrangements made for my surgery as well as dinner being brought over Friday night. I haven't told the kids anything yet, Tommy and Nathan are to young to really understand but David is old enough to understand and I don't want to scare him or make him worry, especially right before Christmas.

I'm doing ok. I'm not really worried about the surgery, even though I don't really know the specialist, Dr. Spotts, my doctor that I trust more than anything, especially since we have been through so much together, referred her so I am putting my trust in him plus her practice is part of a very very good cancer clinic so I'm sure I will be and am in good hands that know what to do and what I need. I am a little emotional at times about all of this though, usually when I am able to sit and think. I think about worst case scenario and about these three little boys that need me and all the 'what ifs' pretty much just borrowing trouble. Easier said than done to not think about and worry about it though. So right now I am getting by on borrowed faith and strength.

This link is to a song that I heard on the radio a few days after I found my lump. It makes me cry every time I hear it, but I love it and the words are so true for my situation right now.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf82Qf3a0Kc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

pictures

I had the boys pictures taken last week.  They did so good & were really cooperative, which is always helpful!! Here are a few of my favorites! It was hard to only choose a few favorites since they all turned out great!

 David, Nathan, Tommy 

 David

 Nathan running to give David a hug

 David with Tommy behind him, I love both their expressions!

 Nathan

Tommy